I recently made the journey back to my hometown of Cincinnati, Ohio, to lay my dad to rest. He passed away over a year ago, but it's the tradition in our family to wait until all immediate family members can be there for the burial. The main reason it took so long on this occasion is that shortly before Dad died, my 32-year-old nephew was diagnosed with colon cancer. During his treatments, he was considered immuno-compromised and so couldn't travel. Even though his mom (my sister) died of breast cancer at 42, we were all quite shocked and nervous about his diagnosis. Combine that with all the emotions and stressful tasks of dealing with Dad's passing—clearing out his apartment (with 96 years' worth of memories), planning and carrying out his memorial service, managing his will and trust, and mourning his death—needless to say, it was a busy and emotional year. This story is about that weekend in Cincinnati and the year of big feelings leading up to it.

Fortunately for all of us, my nephew's treatments were successful, and he is now cancer-free. But it took over 6 months of various forms of chemo, radiation, and surgery to accomplish this. Just 1 month after he started treatments, he married his longtime girlfriend in California. And just a few months later, my niece and her fiancé also tied the knot in Ohio. Most of my family attended these events, as well as Dad's memorial service, so it was a ton of traveling and roller coaster emotions for all of us. Meanwhile, my longtime partner continued his one-year-plus job search, and I was busy growing my business, Learning the Calm. It was great to see everyone so many times in less than a year, but also incredibly challenging, as you can imagine.

One of the most challenging things was that while I was managing Dad's trust, a conflict arose with a family member. I know these things can be common after someone passes, but thankfully, they're usually rare in my family. Grief is complicated. I won't go into the details here. Still, this conflict left me feeling a bit confused, lonely, and anxious about the state of my family and my place within it. While I was looking forward to reconnecting with my hometown, a few old friends, and family, I was less than thrilled about spending time with this particular person.

So, to prepare for the weekend and the emotional rollercoaster that awaited, I did my best to do as much self-care as possible. I consulted my therapist and sought advice from trusted friends and my partner, all of whom helped me untangle my anxiety and brainstorm ways to manage it. I brushed up on my communication and conflict resolution skills—just in case I needed to channel my inner diplomat with that family member. And, of course, I did some yoga and meditation and nourished my soul by swimming and walking outdoors. Nature is definitely my therapist, without the hourly fee.

These are all things I've been doing off and on for the past few years. Still, they really came together the week before this trip to make a noticeable difference in my mental and physical health. It wasn't until afterward that I realized these are the same types of activities I teach kids to self-soothe in my Learning the Calm classes—move your body, take deep breaths, get outside, and talk to someone. I practiced what I preach without even intending to!

By the time I reached Cincinnati, I felt much more relaxed, grateful, and ready to embrace the weekend. We enjoyed meals at our old favorite restaurants, cheered on the Reds at an awesome baseball game, and caught up with loved ones. While no significant conflicts were resolved, we managed to coexist peacefully and even have fun together without any drama. The highlight, of course, was laying Dad to rest and sharing cherished memories of him. Sure, there were moments of sadness and uneasiness, including when I second-guessed my words or actions. Even after years of practicing and teaching Learning the Calm skills, I can still be hard on myself—I'm human. But this time, I didn't let it taint my experience or memory of that weekend. For that, I am deeply thankful.

So, when you find yourself amid life's chaos and need a little help finding your way back to calm, just remember to breathe and take care of yourself. If you're not used to doing that, it may take a while to figure out what's your "therapist without the hourly fee." 

That's ok, be patient. You will.

Start by paying attention to what makes you feel good, and do more of it. Believe it or not, it really can be that simple. Give yourself grace when you forget to do these things or other priorities get in the way. Taking care of ourselves takes practice; it's not a perfect science. The specific activities you need may change over time. Just listen to what your thoughts, actions, and heart are telling you.

Just listen…